But some secrets can cause shame to build up over time, which can be detrimental to your relationship. “I hate feeling like I have to hide something from him, or worry that he’ll discover my secret at any moment and I’ll have to explain myself. For me, I do not keep any secrets from my partner. If you’re in a relationship or getting into a relationship that your partner wants to keep secret, it’s important for you to be fully aware of what that might mean, both for the relationship and for you. If one is hiding something really serious it is bound to come out one day and turn a happy relationship into a disaster. While infidelity or even flirting seem like obvious secrets to question keeping from your partner, other types of secrets are a little harder to unpack. “You need to make sure you’re on the same page about things that are OK, not OK, or absolutely unacceptable,” says Melamed. Secrets like you cheated, or did something stupid are not the secrets to keep. The main takeaway? But if it’s the relationship itself that your partner wants to keep under wraps, that can be difficult to handle. She is the author of Bouncing Back from Rejection and Insecure in Love. Secrets have definitely been the key element for many couples' breakups, which is why the closer you get with your woman, the more you should reveal about yourself. So, is it OK to keep secrests from your soulmate? http://GPSforLove.com Is It OK To Keep Secrets in a Relationship? You still stalk your ex on social media. And is it bad -- or necessary to keep harmony in your relationship? Important: The opinions expressed in WebMD Blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. February 20, 2015. "There are times in both new and long-standing relationships when you may find yourself questioning whether you want… Should I tell him I’m bisexual? According to relationship and wellbeing coach Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, these kinds of flirtations usually don’t warrant a big, emotional conversation. Although open communication is definitely essential in relationships, as they say, “The devil is in the details.” Think about your situation. Depends on the secret. "If you are keeping secrets from your partner, that's a yellow flag," Garrett told HuffPost Australia. Sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences is the only way for partners to really get to know each other so that they can feel emotionally intimate, understood and truly supported. In any relationship, you have the right to keep a part of your life secret, no matter how trivial or how important, for the sole reason that you want to do so. For some, it may look exciting at first but over time, the secrecy becomes boredom. They lack confidence in their ability to confront unpleasant topics, such as money troubles, or issues related to past or present errors in judgment or mistakes. of your relationship are. Without trust, the relationship has little chance of survival. Blogs are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Hopefully, some type of intervention will happen which will negate the need for secrets. For example, what about an expensive purchase you don’t necessarily want to tell your partner you made, a slipping credit score, or a family function you’d rather not go to? on. that has found that keeping secrets is associated with worse health and a lowered sense of wellbeing. Others are really no big deal and it doesn’t matter if they’’re kept secret or not. The answers, likewise, are infinite, since every situation requires its own response. Hi, I agree that a few secrets can be kept for maintaining peace in a relationship. However, there are some basic ways of approaching relationships that can be very helpful. And if this line seems blurry to you — maybe you and your partner are in an, , for example — it is, at the very least, important that you make sure you’re in agreement about what the. Emily on June 11, 2016: No offense but...There are good reasons for having a secret relationships. How would you feel if similar information were kept from you? If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately. While such honesty sounds good in theory, its importance becomes less clear in many particular situations—such as the ones suggested in the above questions. Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. If you’re OK with keeping secrets from your partner that they don’t really need to know — like when you smile at an attractive stranger — that’s just fine. “Get an outside opinion on why or how [this is happening] with a therapist or coach,” suggests Melamed. If you lie or are less than fully honest with your partner, how can you possibly be close? The Bible is not very flattering to us as it says “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. If these thoughts or behaviors are negatively impacting your relationship, however, it may be worth examining why you’re engaging in them at all. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. More info on cookies and providers we use. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service or treatment. Some people believe they need to keep secrets or lie to survive in a relationship. The truth about keeping secrets in a relationship is also tied to trust. The question is, should we be keeping secrets in our relationships? And you'd never have to worry if he were keeping anything from you, because his life, too, would be an open book. © 2005 - 2019 WebMD LLC. You may not want to keep the charade going, which could lead to you feeling jealous, depressed, lonely, and insecure. Feeling like this in a new relationship usually isn’t a good start. If your man knows you’re keeping secrets or those secrets come out when you least expect it, he might not trust you anymore. This helps us improve our service. So even if the secret is a ‘small’ one, it makes me feel better to just tell him what’s going on.”, Melamed says that while you should never feel the need to share everything you’re feeling with your partner 24/7, it is important to examine how secret-keeping is affecting your mental health, especially because it could lead to harmful behaviors, both for yourself and your relationship,  down the road. 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